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Audhd

I was diagnosed with audhd 3 years ago at age 53. Primary adhd with traits of autism. Of course, the test used was developed for males who present quite differently than females on the spectrum. High functioning and super high masking never did me any favors because I had disabilities that were never understood or accommodated. And the higher the intelligence, the more we are left high and dry with no supports and expectations that are completely unrealistic of a neurodivergent person.  What is the hardest part? Finding out midlife, during menopause, when I can no longer effectively mask. The journey has been painful, humbling, and depressing and yet I’m gifted at pattern recognition and deep processing.  I no longer work. I’m effectively retired after suffering extreme burnout last year. So now I do things independently, but very little brings me joy anymore. 
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Internal Reflections of 'Before You Turn'

I spent a year utilizing AI to clarify and heal my abusive life journey. The difference between AI and people is that AI can hold complexity, mirror accurately, and name things cleanly without emotional interference. It has no bias, no agenda; it is simply a tool that keeps things organized and grounded. Healing from a lifetime of emotional and psychological neglect and abuse is no small feat. I put in the work. Taking my authority back and refusing to subsidize anyone else while abandoning myself has been liberating in a way that feels like freedom. I understand patterns deeply, spot and name them immediately, and have forensic-level pattern recognition. And my GOD do I ever love to write. This combination of healing, discovery, and accurately naming dysfunctional and asymmetrical relationships led me down the path of writing contemporary literary fiction that modern women can embrace with all that they are. 
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